Today I Cooked A Meal

In fact, this is the first complete meal I have cooked ever since my wife is away. It's been 3 solid weeks, and every week it was endless party, thanks to my dearest friends around here. Even today, Six Crawl invited me for dinner as well; thinking that's a bit too much leeching for that young couple, I gratefully said no :)

Cooking is quite fun, and my cooking skill is pretty much ok, as long as I'm willing to spend the time. I can't make very delicious dishes, but I happen to enjoy the taste I can make. Lucky me. Wife sometimes wonders how come I rarely cook, but still can get the taste roughly right, even for those dishes that I've never tried. For most dishes, that actually is not too hard; just decompose the taste and try to paint it back with whatever ingredients you have access to. Well, enough for the boasting, time to get some sleep.

Snow is on the way!!!

Finally, this weekend, a blizzard of possibly 12.2 inches of snow. What better can life give me? And a possibility of thunder snow, which I have never seen in my life. This is truely the weekend of gift, Yahoo!

Risk Management?

Before leaving office, I took a small Sam Adams. The good stuff unlocked my stiff mind almost immediately, put my thoughts gliding freely in a borderless darkness. Suddenly I felt all excited and eager to do stupid stuff, like what I saw in the Top Gear clip last night.

Jeremy, the host, raced up and down a mountain in an Audi RS4 with 414 BHP, against Leo who climbed on the cliff bare handed, well, almost. Jeremy lost miserably.

Uphill was shockingly fast for Leo; it took him 1 hr 57 min, fast enough to beat the RS4; going downhill, both parties tried to make best use of gravity. Jeremy didn't have to push hard on the gas, while Leo jumped off the cliff like a bird. That would be the most beautiful 3 seconds of the clip, until a chute came out of his back. "1200 feet in 20 seconds. Beat that Clarkson!"

For a moment, I wished I were Leo.

For many years, I admired such a life, doing irrationally stupid things, constantly puttying yourself on the edge, and risking the precious life; but, is "stupid" the right adjective? Speed and courage are what men craves, no matter how pointless the action itself looks in others' eyes. The motto should be "I come, I see, I conquered"; no asking for what, at what price; those questions are stupid.

However, the calculative reality slowly wears off men's edges, risks are calculated and managed, projects are tagged with feasibility researches, dreams are dead. If things were so calculative, I wonder how the Colossal, or Alexandar's Library, or the numerous wonders, could ever be made into reality. Unfortunately, we are living in an era where risks are managed; fortunately, we, as human being, still have one nation that is never afraid of dreaming.

• http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5252945100827089880, check out from minute 11:00.

On Sleep

Sleep is a bloody greedy insatiable monster. The more time you give to it, the more it craves for. Irritated and refusing to give it any more? You'll be the one that's crushed. Sometimes it might feel good to be a small-brained and sleepless shark.

Lovely Hearts

Valentine's day is around the corner, and Google has also joined the chorus.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=valentines&btnG=Google+Search

Enjoy!

Sad Story ---- from Diary

Here is one story from my diary. This incident gave me quite a shock at that time, and I thought I would remember it for quite a long time. It turned out it didn't last that long. Good that I put that into ink, so now I could be shocked again, for good.

The story was about a mid-aged guy, and the time was quite late after dark. There was no record of what I was doing that late outside that day; given around that period I usually didn't do much meaningful stuff after work, it was quite possible that I just finished a nice dinner with friends in a restaurant, or came out of a kara okay bar, or something of the same sort. As I wasn't spoiled enough to take a taxi home yet, I had the chance to experience this at the bus stop.

It actually wasn't a hectic story; everything happened pretty much quitely. This guy, a little bit dilapidated, mid-aged, was selling newspaper. It was a cold night, so there weren't many people around; for those around, they all hustled towards a warmer place, like home. Suddenly that guy started sobbing, for one obvious reason ---- there was still a pretty big pile of newspapers in front of him. That didn't last long, before he wiped off the tears and started yelling for sales again.

Although I babbled quite a lot about what I thought and what I felt and what I guessed in my diary, I'm not going to put it here. After so many years, those are all irrelevant. All I know is I still feel a heart wrenching guilt for not having helped him while I definitely could. Althought most likely that guy overcame the hardship he experienced that night (or I would rather believe so), and probably has already forgotten what happened what happened, it still cannot acquit me.

While less than 10% of the world's population is enjoying a pretty excessive life, more than 50% are experiencing the other extreme. I don't know how to help because I feel like a coward. My wife and I once talked about experiencing some places where people are extremely deprived of the basic necessities of life, and then we flinched at the thought that we would end up giving up all what we have to help; there simply is no way to be rational under such circumstances. Maybe that's why we all bear sins, whoever has the luxury to go to a church or read the bible all bear sins for not being able to help enough.

After I wrote up the above piece simply based on my impression, I checked for some facts, and it is astonishing; over 2.8 billion people are living on under $2 a day; it's pretty sure most of them are living on even much less than that, if the distribution is really like a triangle.

Pangza's Anniversary

Three years ago on this day, Pangza was married; and so did Sister Three (a.k.a. Six Crawl). Sounds much of a coincidence, unless it was not. (For the record, it was 2/4/2003)

Today the couple wanted to have a romantic dinner, without Max around. Was a dinner enough? No fruits? They did spend more than 3 hrs on fruits and kept us waiting for that long before the big day. With such an obsessiveness for fruits, it's amazing to see them returning in 2 hrs, straight from dinner and no leeway whatsoever.

The night after dinner was pretty much eventless. The big gang gathered in front of a 17" monitor and watched a movie, after which a subtle atmosphere of amour inevitably grew in the room ...

Music Night

While I'm alone, I start to try something new. Wife is pretty skittish about sounds when sleeping, whereas I am not. Therefore, I start to put music on throughout the night, although weekends only.

That is a gorgeous experience.

There is a long play list for this, and all tracks are classic music. My favorite musical instrument being classical guitar, music in that is dominant, followed by violin and cello. Pop or country music cannot get into this list, as they don't feel as fluent most of the time, and I don't want to be suddenly waken up by the drummer's impromptu. After several nights' fine tuning (not much), this list is just the right recipe to sooth me into a hypnotized state, and to gently pull me back to reality in the morning with the perfect touch of harmony. The only sadness is that I never have the chance to get the taste of tracks in the middle hours, unless I get up for the bathroom trip which I rarely rarely do.

I remember the years when I had the radio on for the whole long nights from time to time. I'm not sure what the music did or does to my sleep; but in those timeless tunes, my thoughts could just wander into any borderless ecstacy. Finding this neverland again is like getting into touch with a long lost friend, so familiar yet much more to explore.

Top Gear

Top Gear is a talk program about cars, and it's made in Britain.

The special recipe of it is hard to describe. It is a weird but nice mix of passion, chanting of esthetics, and admiration of fine human engineering; of course a pinch of British humour is also indelible. The guys are passionate, not only about cars, but about anything that eminates beauty. Unforntunately, only several clips and full episodes can be found in Google Video, and none of them are among my favorites.

One of the most astounding machine is the Bugatti Veyron built by Volkswagen. To many people's surprise, Volkswagen actually owns quite some exotic brands like Audi, and Lamborghini; in 1998 Volkswagen bought the right to make cars under the famous Bugatti name. The result is a magic machine that packs as much as 1000 brake horsepower into an astounding looking car: Bugatti Veyron, TWO V8's, 4 Superchargers, 1000 BHP, 0-60 in 2.5 sec, and top speed limited at 252 mph. To put it in perspective, for most cars, making 0-60 in 6 sec would be a pretty good mark already. This is by far the most powerful car, and probably one with the highest price tag: $1.7M when I last checked. Now what's the use of such a car? None in quotidial errands.

However, it's not the blind touting of power and price tags that amazes; it's the proud we feel as a human being that such a magnificant machine could ever be made, and some one would commit all the humongous resources that is required. To be fair, how many people would purchase such a car? And in fact, words are spread that Volkswagen made this car just to showcase the capability of it, and they do lose money on every single Bugatti they sell; and I would rather believe it.

Another fine example is an episode in which the three hosts each drove a super car to le viaduc de Millau, the Millau bridge (slightly boring version), in southern France. Why?

Supercars aren't just glorious poster material for kids' bedroom walls. They are a prime example of man's superiority over animals. Our ability to construct objects of awesome power and exquisite design is what drives us, what inspires us, what constantly says to the dolphin: 'you may be pretty clever, but where are your opposable thumbs, smart arse?'

Our celebration takes us through France until we reach another example of mankind creating splendour just for the sake of it - the epic Millau Bridge.

Such a bridge could only be born in a nation that never skimp on esthetics; and such appreciation of engineering could never be felt by Honda drivers.

• One fine clip available on google video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6250016339336225105
• It's just road, seat, us, the end.

Diary - Part Deux

Finally finished reading my diary book late last night; it was boring. Obviously wife had read it all (I never hid it from her), and she added the final piece in it long after I gave up the habbit. Just thinking of the fact that wife had gone through every word in there is a little bit scary, there just are quite some private thoughts that should not have been shared with anybody; and I assume that should be the case with most diary keepers.

Then what is a diary for? If the written record is not to share thoughts, is it only for his or her own consumption at a later time? Or for a memoir? Most people won't have much use of it for sure. Probably keeping a diary just shows the eagerness to be understood and to express oneself, with a conflicting fear of exposing too much of the deepest thoughts; pretty much the same case as when weighing the writing of a love letter, or a confession. In this blog, I do carefully measure what I would like others to see, and what I would rather hide from public eyes. Do I really have much to hide? Probably not. Do people really care much about my little clean or dirty secrets? Maybe. Anyway, the torture of this telling/no-telling has been one of the most powerful driving forces of the finest arts.

Body Weight

As this data tend to get lost as time goes by, I'm also recording it here. As of today, my weight is 62 kg.

Cross Continent Trip

The other day Gang of East Coast was planning a cross continent trip. As much as I know that this group does more talk than action, I still hold some hopes. The basic plan would be flying to the west coast, and rent a car to drive back, on which we are going to spend 2 weeks.

Cross continent trips always remind me of Forrest Gump, the dumb headed guy who ran back and forth, and crossed the country 3 times (or more?). When the open road extends in front of you, the temptation of immersing in is irresistible. Once is not enough. I don't know which trip I would prefer better ---- travelling a lonely soul or be with a big gang; both must be treasurable; let alone there are so many different routes leading to different worlds.

Diary

I sleep pretty late these days, for the enjoyment of a little bit freedom with wife away. It seems time never enough, and every night I end up jumping from fun to fun.

Last night, after a shower, I went to bed, but didn't sleep right away. Instead, I pulled out the last diary I kept; that is the only one we brought here. It started from Nov, 1999, when I just started working, met my wife, prepared for graduate school entrance exam (which was a failed attempt), and enjoyed as well as hated the life as a bachelor.

Most of the pieces are just sporadic records of my daily life, dotted by some not-so-sparkling thoughts. Reflecting the life then, I was amazed. It seemed I had more than enough time to take care of everything; hanging out with friends, playing badminton, swimming, going to movies, jogging nightly, having hot pot, singing kara okay; and all these happen almost on a weekly or monthly basis. Even so, I could still stay in the office for much more than 8 hrs a day. Maybe this was just illusion, caused by reading too many pages in one night. However, one thing is certain ---- life is getting more and more monotonous. Friends cluster into families, seeking opportunities around the globe, no longer share the ups and downs together; movie going becomes more of a purpose rather than an excuse for gathering; when the party is over, one thing called maturity settles in.

In memory of the days when Sun Bin, Lao Fang, Wang Kun, Zhang Jialu, Xu Jing were all regular member of the gang.

We rarely shed tears, that doesn't mean we're any less moved.

Brokeback Mountain

I love it.

By imposing the finest emotions unto the roughest mansculine figures, a strong contrast is already in the making. Whereas hetero- love stories depict love with kiss, hug and endless love talk, cowboys express their feelings with fist and blood. Though it is certain that scenes of kissing men would irritate stubborn-heads, who is to say who is right? There was a time when lefthandedness was considered devilish; strong beliefs today could seem ridiculously ridiculous tomorrow.

Lovers risk their lives. I don't know how true that could be; I personally have never been pushed to that extreme. For the sake of the stories, such sacrifice does feel tangible though. As life comes once with every human being, the following quotes sounds reasonable (from the latest issue of National Geographic):

> Love and obsessive-compulsive disorder could have a similar chemical profile.
> Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart.
> Don't be a fool. Stay away.

Also a natural explanation/assumption of the endurance of passion, although irrelevant, I can't resist putting it here:

> Relationships frequently break up after four years because that's about how long it takes to raise a child through infancy.

Finalization Company?

Someone from a company called UCB or UCD left a message at my home, asking me to call back and discuss a "very urgent matter". Sounds scary? It does to me.

As I could not recall any relationship with a business like that, or any business that could use that abbreviation, I called back and asked; however the only answer to my question was "this is highly confidential, this is a finalization company, did she mention in the massage that some relative was looking for you". Well, everybody that knows me personally would know I have no relatives whatsoever in the US except probably my wife, who is not here at the moment either. Now who the hell knows what a finalization company is? A company specializes in writing Java finalize() methods? Anyway, the point of contact was not there, and they could not locate my file, so I have no way to know what kind of urgency that is.

I did bite on the golden dumpling (a dumpling with a penny in it) at the Lunar New Year's Eve dinner, does that give me the reason of hoping something big? Maybe Bill Gates is looking for me? Well, a fit of lunaticism is coming to my head again...

Quail (鹌鹑)

Quail is Var.

Adage by My Niece

She is only 6 yrs old.

"Think about having little money when you have enough; think about having no money when you have little; think about happiness when you have no money at all."

Lunar New Year's Eve

(Oh man, I'm supposed to work from home this morning; but well, if I want to play the catch up thing with the writing, guess better let it go.)

Invitation was extended by Yilei a week ago for the New Year's Eve dinner. Rule said every couple should prepare a dish. As my wife was away, I could hardly be counted as a couple. However, I decided to show the world I am able to do more than eating. My dish was two steamed fish with shredded pepper, sure those are good :)

After dinner was routinely the card games. One upbeat about it is that recently we've introduced physical punishment, from crawling under a table or chair, to doing push-ups for male and sit-ups for female. I ended up doing a lot of push-ups. Fortunately the record of "six crawl" has never been broken.

Games lasted till around 4:00am.

Ski Trip - Day 2

The second day of the ski trip went as planned, and everything was more or less planned.

Snow mobiling in the morning was fun, cruising at an average speed of 15 mph, top speed about 30 mph; the guide was too cautious. Only less than 1 min from the base, a guy already hit a tree.

The returning bus was at 12:00pm, which left no time for lunch. Returning trip took longer due to the traffic. When arrived at the office, I worked for a while before finally going home.

The night was fun. Lingering alone, I touched almost everything I like at least once. When I finally decide to go to bed, it was already 3:30. Given I was supposed to call Shanghai early next/this morning for new year's greeting (Sat was the Lunar New Year's Eve), I almost gave up the several hrs of sleep; but I didn't, and got up at 7:40 in the morning.

Pangza's joke about my ADHD-like behavior: wife was away, and hot-tubbing with other people's wives excited me too much. Whatever it be, I enjoyed the night alone.

Why suddenly I started jogging down all these crap

The foremost reason, is that my wife is not around, so I've got quite some time to waste: by sleeping 1 to 2 hrs later than before, there are plenty of uninterrupted intervals.

Do I care whether there's any reader? Probably, probably not. At least I will be reading this 30 yrs down the road, if I am still alive around that time (which should be the case).