Saturday, February 04, 2006

Top Gear

Top Gear is a talk program about cars, and it's made in Britain.

The special recipe of it is hard to describe. It is a weird but nice mix of passion, chanting of esthetics, and admiration of fine human engineering; of course a pinch of British humour is also indelible. The guys are passionate, not only about cars, but about anything that eminates beauty. Unforntunately, only several clips and full episodes can be found in Google Video, and none of them are among my favorites.

One of the most astounding machine is the Bugatti Veyron built by Volkswagen. To many people's surprise, Volkswagen actually owns quite some exotic brands like Audi, and Lamborghini; in 1998 Volkswagen bought the right to make cars under the famous Bugatti name. The result is a magic machine that packs as much as 1000 brake horsepower into an astounding looking car: Bugatti Veyron, TWO V8's, 4 Superchargers, 1000 BHP, 0-60 in 2.5 sec, and top speed limited at 252 mph. To put it in perspective, for most cars, making 0-60 in 6 sec would be a pretty good mark already. This is by far the most powerful car, and probably one with the highest price tag: $1.7M when I last checked. Now what's the use of such a car? None in quotidial errands.

However, it's not the blind touting of power and price tags that amazes; it's the proud we feel as a human being that such a magnificant machine could ever be made, and some one would commit all the humongous resources that is required. To be fair, how many people would purchase such a car? And in fact, words are spread that Volkswagen made this car just to showcase the capability of it, and they do lose money on every single Bugatti they sell; and I would rather believe it.

Another fine example is an episode in which the three hosts each drove a super car to le viaduc de Millau, the Millau bridge (slightly boring version), in southern France. Why?

Supercars aren't just glorious poster material for kids' bedroom walls. They are a prime example of man's superiority over animals. Our ability to construct objects of awesome power and exquisite design is what drives us, what inspires us, what constantly says to the dolphin: 'you may be pretty clever, but where are your opposable thumbs, smart arse?'

Our celebration takes us through France until we reach another example of mankind creating splendour just for the sake of it - the epic Millau Bridge.
Such a bridge could only be born in a nation that never skimp on esthetics; and such appreciation of engineering could never be felt by Honda drivers.

Diary - Part Deux

Finally finished reading my diary book late last night; it was boring. Obviously wife had read it all (I never hid it from her), and she added the final piece in it long after I gave up the habbit. Just thinking of the fact that wife had gone through every word in there is a little bit scary, there just are quite some private thoughts that should not have been shared with anybody; and I assume that should be the case with most diary keepers.

Then what is a diary for? If the written record is not to share thoughts, is it only for his or her own consumption at a later time? Or for a memoir? Most people won't have much use of it for sure. Probably keeping a diary just shows the eagerness to be understood and to express oneself, with a conflicting fear of exposing too much of the deepest thoughts; pretty much the same case as when weighing the writing of a love letter, or a confession. In this blog, I do carefully measure what I would like others to see, and what I would rather hide from public eyes. Do I really have much to hide? Probably not. Do people really care much about my little clean or dirty secrets? Maybe. Anyway, the torture of this telling/no-telling has been one of the most powerful driving forces of the finest arts.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Body Weight

As this data tend to get lost as time goes by, I'm also recording it here. As of today, my weight is 62 kg.

Cross Continent Trip

The other day Gang of East Coast was planning a cross continent trip. As much as I know that this group does more talk than action, I still hold some hopes. The basic plan would be flying to the west coast, and rent a car to drive back, on which we are going to spend 2 weeks.

Cross continent trips always remind me of Forrest Gump, the dumb headed guy who ran back and forth, and crossed the country 3 times (or more?). When the open road extends in front of you, the temptation of immersing in is irresistible. Once is not enough. I don't know which trip I would prefer better ---- travelling a lonely soul or be with a big gang; both must be treasurable; let alone there are so many different routes leading to different worlds.

Diary

I sleep pretty late these days, for the enjoyment of a little bit freedom with wife away. It seems time never enough, and every night I end up jumping from fun to fun.

Last night, after a shower, I went to bed, but didn't sleep right away. Instead, I pulled out the last diary I kept; that is the only one we brought here. It started from Nov, 1999, when I just started working, met my wife, prepared for graduate school entrance exam (which was a failed attempt), and enjoyed as well as hated the life as a bachelor.

Most of the pieces are just sporadic records of my daily life, dotted by some not-so-sparkling thoughts. Reflecting the life then, I was amazed. It seemed I had more than enough time to take care of everything; hanging out with friends, playing badminton, swimming, going to movies, jogging nightly, having hot pot, singing kara okay; and all these happen almost on a weekly or monthly basis. Even so, I could still stay in the office for much more than 8 hrs a day. Maybe this was just illusion, caused by reading too many pages in one night. However, one thing is certain ---- life is getting more and more monotonous. Friends cluster into families, seeking opportunities around the globe, no longer share the ups and downs together; movie going becomes more of a purpose rather than an excuse for gathering; when the party is over, one thing called maturity settles in.

In memory of the days when Sun Bin, Lao Fang, Wang Kun, Zhang Jialu, Xu Jing were all regular member of the gang.

We rarely shed tears, that doesn't mean we're any less moved.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Brokeback Mountain

I love it.

By imposing the finest emotions unto the roughest mansculine figures, a strong contrast is already in the making. Whereas hetero- love stories depict love with kiss, hug and endless love talk, cowboys express their feelings with fist and blood. Though it is certain that scenes of kissing men would irritate stubborn-heads, who is to say who is right? There was a time when lefthandedness was considered devilish; strong beliefs today could seem ridiculously ridiculous tomorrow.

Lovers risk their lives. I don't know how true that could be; I personally have never been pushed to that extreme. For the sake of the stories, such sacrifice does feel tangible though. As life comes once with every human being, the following quotes sounds reasonable (from the latest issue of National Geographic):

> Love and obsessive-compulsive disorder could have a similar chemical profile.
> Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart.
> Don't be a fool. Stay away.

Also a natural explanation/assumption of the endurance of passion, although irrelevant, I can't resist putting it here:

> Relationships frequently break up after four years because that's about how long it takes to raise a child through infancy.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Finalization Company?

Someone from a company called UCB or UCD left a message at my home, asking me to call back and discuss a "very urgent matter". Sounds scary? It does to me.

As I could not recall any relationship with a business like that, or any business that could use that abbreviation, I called back and asked; however the only answer to my question was "this is highly confidential, this is a finalization company, did she mention in the massage that some relative was looking for you". Well, everybody that knows me personally would know I have no relatives whatsoever in the US except probably my wife, who is not here at the moment either. Now who the hell knows what a finalization company is? A company specializes in writing Java finalize() methods? Anyway, the point of contact was not there, and they could not locate my file, so I have no way to know what kind of urgency that is.

I did bite on the golden dumpling (a dumpling with a penny in it) at the Lunar New Year's Eve dinner, does that give me the reason of hoping something big? Maybe Bill Gates is looking for me? Well, a fit of lunaticism is coming to my head again...

Quail (鹌鹑)

Quail is Var.

Adage by My Niece

She is only 6 yrs old.

"Think about having little money when you have enough; think about having no money when you have little; think about happiness when you have no money at all."

Lunar New Year's Eve

(Oh man, I'm supposed to work from home this morning; but well, if I want to play the catch up thing with the writing, guess better let it go.)

Invitation was extended by Yilei a week ago for the New Year's Eve dinner. Rule said every couple should prepare a dish. As my wife was away, I could hardly be counted as a couple. However, I decided to show the world I am able to do more than eating. My dish was two steamed fish with shredded pepper, sure those are good :)

After dinner was routinely the card games. One upbeat about it is that recently we've introduced physical punishment, from crawling under a table or chair, to doing push-ups for male and sit-ups for female. I ended up doing a lot of push-ups. Fortunately the record of "six crawl" has never been broken.

Games lasted till around 4:00am.

Ski Trip - Day 2

The second day of the ski trip went as planned, and everything was more or less planned.

Snow mobiling in the morning was fun, cruising at an average speed of 15 mph, top speed about 30 mph; the guide was too cautious. Only less than 1 min from the base, a guy already hit a tree.

The returning bus was at 12:00pm, which left no time for lunch. Returning trip took longer due to the traffic. When arrived at the office, I worked for a while before finally going home.

The night was fun. Lingering alone, I touched almost everything I like at least once. When I finally decide to go to bed, it was already 3:30. Given I was supposed to call Shanghai early next/this morning for new year's greeting (Sat was the Lunar New Year's Eve), I almost gave up the several hrs of sleep; but I didn't, and got up at 7:40 in the morning.

Pangza's joke about my ADHD-like behavior: wife was away, and hot-tubbing with other people's wives excited me too much. Whatever it be, I enjoyed the night alone.

Why suddenly I started jogging down all these crap

The foremost reason, is that my wife is not around, so I've got quite some time to waste: by sleeping 1 to 2 hrs later than before, there are plenty of uninterrupted intervals.

Do I care whether there's any reader? Probably, probably not. At least I will be reading this 30 yrs down the road, if I am still alive around that time (which should be the case).

Ski Trip - Day 1

This year's east coast ski trip started on Jan 26 and lasted for two days. It is a bit lame thinking about all the travelling, boarding and extremely early morning just for a couple of hours fun on the slope, or even not on the slope. However, I'm glad I was onboard.

Words were the first bus would leave at 5:15am, and last one around 6:00am. For this scarily early hour had not seen me up in years, I was invited to stay at Pang Za's on the previous night, which could save me about half an hour for commuting. Even so, the alarm clock was set at 3:30, giving 10 min of laziness rolling after the alarm. Morning was eventless, given the freezing wind at the water front should not be counted as an event.

Everything was set for the journey to begin, except, well, the journey didn't begin, yet. The first bus, which we managed to get onto, didn't leave till 6:30. That left everyone with a sour bitter taste in the mouth, for the squandered precious 1 hr of morning sleep. Eagerness in the bus finally got the engine running, but not for long.

After one hour's cozy nap, another darn fact slapped in my face and woke me up ---- we were stopped; and the bus was broken; and the bus driver was frantically calling. Well, here goes another 30 min on the ski slope. Fortunately it didn't take too long to transfer us to an almost empty bus and continue the journey.

Sky got darker, flakes danced around; as the bus carefully maneuvred throught the meandering endless white, we turned out to be in the mountain in a fresh snow. It was the good stuff.

The trip ended at around 11:00, a little more than 4 hrs on the road is not too shabby.

Stomachs groaning, everybody rushed to a restaurant and cheerfully spent the lunch voucher. The lounge privately reserved was good too, with enough beanbags in vibrant brand defining colors. That was the right place to spend half an hour after meal, but I spent more, involuntarily. All of us had to work for a while, and the connectivity issue on my laptop made that while a machine grabbing war, which procrastinated for an hour. When the dust settles, decision was made that the gang of three would not hit the slope, but rather hit the open trails for snow mobiles the next morning. Decision was yet to be made as for what to do in the afternoon. With some movies at hand, and three decks of cards, we figured it shouldn't be too hard to make good use of the time.

I made two trips to my hotel room; the first one was to put away my stuff; the second one was to get some proper clothing, out of my regular daily stuff, for hot tubs. What's in between, was the decision the girls made after the first sight of the hot tub right outside their room window. No one brought bathing suits or swimming trunks, but the decision was still made. I had no objections obviously.

The road to "perdition" was spotlessly fluffy white. Jumping around to warm up, I was still intrigued by my first step on the white; it was freezing to give me a sense of reality versus romanticism of walking half naked in the snow. Although there was a winter when I took cold-water shower in non-heated dorm bathroom with windows wide open, every day, that was almost 7 yrs ago. I know for sure if I stayed a minute longer in the snow, I would not be leisurely typing here now.

The hot-spring-like tubs surely lied at the end of our footprints. Jumping in, it was not conferrable with words afterwards. Snow flaks swirling twisted with white steam, then mixed with waterdrops at the end of the hair, slowly condensed into tiny droplets of crystals. Bubble jets smoothed out every knots in the pathetic amount of muscles; swinging my sight to the distant snow peaks, although not Mt. Everest, it was appealing enough for me to long for an intimate contact with the snow sheets right beside the tubs; unfortunately I lacked the courage to flat my stomach on the white, even after one guy did that.

That was a pretty fast two-hour, maybe more. No one really cared; if not for the nice party and dinner, we could easily spend 4 hrs in there.

A walk back to the room on our previous footprints was still not easy, let alonethe hanging-dry period; those didn't take long though.

Before the 7 o'clock party, we had about 1 hr, and that was for the movies. Movies were good, atmosphere was relaxed. It was quite a nice condo style room, with full livingroom, furnace, and kitchen. A set of skis marked Toback Tail were hanging above the furnace, reminding me of the crude animal-like passions for speed, challenge and courage outside in the cold. But for a moment, watching the fine movies in the cozy warmth was totally acceptable to me.

Walking to the party was not bad; it was a 3 min walk through the village. If only the buildings were original and aged. Italian villages in the Alps must be 1k times more attractive. The only highlight here was the low-hanging ice spears. Some obssessed ones could never resist the temptation of breaking some large pieces off, and planting those in the snow.

Party was good, good drink, good food, good music, and good same-sex dancing performance by Johnathan and the big beard guy. That was enough, so off we went for the second half of the great movies.

Second half of the movie night was significantly more dynamic. There was laughter, tears, and silent lying-arounds. Laughter was mine, I am not easily moved; and even moved, I can still crack some joy to balance things out. But not everyone was like me, so there were moments when flood damages caused by pouring tears were almost imminent. When the nerve teasing motion pictures stopped moving, I was seriously questioned for the laughter and tearlessness, before I could depart for my own room and bed.

There goes the first day of the ski trip.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Flashing Back

Life is a magic. When the two of us were scratching on a notebook about a round-the-world travel plan together with a contract, who would have thought that I would be scratching on a public blog about it after more than 10 years? And who would have thought of making this publicly online even that it has never been told to even my wife.

Language is void, while memory is eternal. I have kept several journals through many years. Oh yeah they have all kinds of stuff, all kinds of, and I mean it. Obviously I'm not a good writer, as you can see here. While with the help those aged notes, I am able to vividly recall the exact moments, the joy and the sorrow, or the torture of a loving soul. There was one entry on the night of the 35th day after my grandfather passed away, and that night was a very similar lonely night like this one. Haven't written a single piece for so many years, that life fades together with memory in this period.

'Life is like a box of chocolates...You never know what you're gonna get...' ---- and they do melt away into sweetness.

Do I love my wife

Without a doubt, the politically correct answer has to be "yes". And in fact, yes.

However, I do cherish this rare opportunity of short term separation after 6 yrs of marriage. We call ourselves conjoined twins, as we do things together to such an extent; life with wife is good. In this good life, a creepy shadow, however, does haunt me from time to time; and now I know it's the longing for loneliness; I used to have a lot of that.

Loneliness is good.

Dreams are different. When we were together, the dreams are like drop dead together, or living in a cozy little house with separate attic rooms setup for painting, darkroom, studio etc. Everything in those dreams involve two people, and exactly two. One definite thing that is not in the dream is kids, which we plan to have none.

Now alone, the horizon in dreams is totally different. Having more time to spare, scenes of the long lost dreams I had when alone are regurgitated, with all these years' annotation on it. It's heart wrenching to see those old dreams drifting away further and further to an unreachable distance; they are good, but probably would never work out in my life time. There are, however, some salvageable pieces. Noting those down here probably is not appropriate, but surely I am happy to be digging those out and give them a new chance.

Home alone starting on 1/21

Saw wife off at JFK by 10:30, arrived home by 11:30, and started having everything by myself.

So what did I do? Yavi came from Whiteplains, and we had a small gathering that night ---- till 11:00 pm -ish, which is excellent comparing to our notoriously late nights of most such events. However, this not-so-spontaneous event of dismissal was mainly caused by Freaky Milk Bottle's scheduled arrival at around 11:30 at New Port.

Yavi shared a hotel room with Chen Hua that night. He kept calling that a room with a bed for two, which really not the case ---- maybe he was only subconciously expecting so? You never know due to the fact that no group of people around me can ever be harnessed by my wildest imagination.

On Sunday, went to New Port for some more activities with the buddies; some sports and card games, we finished not too late again. This was, probably, the only occassion when we conducted two days of healthy active activities without cutting into following days with sleepy puffy eyes.

Misc: hair cut on 1/21