Hard to say, too hard to say

Late night is when people are most vulnerable, mentally.

Life is a bitch, it strikes at the most unexpected moment. I feel weak just when I need to be strong. Just read Milk Bottle's latest post, and felt the same. Although I don't want to pass my time in unconsciousness; one thing is certain, we will survive, we will thrive.

The senseless ramble surely expresses something, something I don't know how to say yet.

Friday

Another Friday, another weekend; this one is a long one. High temperatures will drop to a little above freezing point, which has precluded the possibility of hiking. Last night when I checked the weather at Adirondack NY for this weekend, I saw -9F as lows, friggin hell. If I could find some company, I probably wouldn't mind being frozen dead in the mountain though.

The gang has been active for as many weekends as my wife's been away. The Eastcoast Gang (TEG) is the largest gang from my college class, so even some hermetic member keeps being absent, there's still a large enough congregation that can only fit in a cargo van.

Life with TEG is hectic, exhausting and fun; although the fun factor has dwindled a little bit when the cold weather has kept us indoors with card/video games for many weekends. When the gang is not in session, I would just make do myself, like today.

It is pretty windy today. As while I'm typing now on a train, I start to worry a little bit about the walk after this ride. It's a 25 min walk from the station to my home, not too far, just enough for me to stretch my crooked bones from sitting all day long when weather is good; it is a different story on rainy/snowy/windy days though. It seems today is still not too bad, I probably will still enjoy this blow. It would be too boring if you have sunshine every day.

I still have some fresh vegetables and frozen shrimps from last weekend in the fridge, will enjoy my cooking again, with a beer. Within maybe 2 hours, I'll be a complete and happy man.

Oh, one thing worth mentioning is that this blog just received the first several comments, among which there is an obscene one by Six Crawl; but I published it anyway as I'm a pretty tolerant person 8-)

P.S.
The wind was not strong in here, so the walk home was ok. Did not have beer, ate too much, no space for beer any more.

Dream Big

A couple of days ago I attended a talk with an astronaut, Mike Mullane. Dream Big was what he signed in my copy of his book.

"Many people never know what he's capable of all his life."

That's quite a statement, but I believe it true. Just like what I wrote in a previous piece, most people are carefully calculating risks vs gains on everything. Under such circumstances, who could give it all out for a "very risky" item? Well, maybe it'll be much easier for single orphans. I don't know.

I really don't know. Maybe I am too conservative on everything, which makes me sad.

Anniversary

First anniversary without wife aside, quite a different experience.

Being quite busy, haven't posted anything here for many days. Today I have to as this is a special special day. I don't want to confess what I'm busy with though.

V-Day

It's Valentine's Day.

Rose price near the office: $3 for single rose, $8 for 3.

Wife has more or less of decided to come back on March 18, so I've got a solid 1 month ahead of me.

3 Weeks and Counting

It's already Valentine's Day in China. As both my short-term and long-term memory are quite poor, I have to keep reminding myself about this day, so that my wife wouldn't be mad at me. Well, consider this a small cost for the life with a companion.

Life as a single man is not bad; I've got plenty of interesting things to do, while still don't feel too much of lonelyness. With 3 meals covered by the company on weekdays, I can enjoy cooking some meals or just shamelessly crash into Pangza's home to keep myself from starving. However, imagining living the whole life like this is scary, me coward don't have the gut to try that out.

This reminds me of Robert Kincaid in The Bridges of Madison County. Such a seemingly fulfilling life, as a National Geographic photographer, could not stop him from burning himself into ashes in the heated emotions. Maybe it's always this way, seemingly beautiful stuff is the hardest on the bearer.

Wife has been in China for more than 3 weeks. She told her buddy here that she doesn't want to come back. I am also not so eager to get out of this life either. When time flies, you're enjoying. These 3 weeks did just zip through for both my wife and I; sadly it seems I have achieved nothing except this blog, which is not an achievement after all; all the ambitions have lapsed, or vanished. Anyway, it is still an enjoyable experience.

Snow Day

It turned out to be the heaviest snow recorded in NYC. I originally thought about getting a bunch of people to Valley Forge on Saturday, so that we could have a pretty good snow fight on Sunday; unfortunately, some people were too scared to travel in snow, some were so deep in sleep that could not be waken up by the mere cell phone ringtone, yet some others were too sick to even be considered an active fighting force.

As the war plan was called off, we headed to New Port, figured maybe this time we could have a healthier weekend as it seems every one had realized endless card games were not so fun at all; the hope was shattered ruthlessly by reality in the end.

The highlight was still the snow. The drive to the hotel on Saturday night was already spicy enough; the drive to Pangza's home the next morning was even more fun. Although my car was almost completely submerged under the snow, I was still able to drive it around. The car pushed through the snow, just like a boat cutting over the open water. Needless to say there were quite some cars stuck in the knee deep snow along the way, frustrated, trying to roar through the hopeless white.

The drive to home was ok. Turnpike was already clean enough for us to cruise at normal speed; Local roads were in pretty bad shape though, even RT-27 was covered with a hard shell of ice. Driving on the curvy tracks were like slow-motion rally racing, you get all kinds of turns, skids, swings, bumps; yet you don't have to pay for the race track. Next time I should just find a parking lot and try out some stunts. After all this is a risk-free opportunity to try out those things, plus it's much less demanding on the car than the real tracks.